20 years of ups and downs, but mostly ups!

Today marks my 20th wedding anniversary, I’ve been married to the same beautiful, smart and amazing woman for 20 freaking years!

I got to thinking about how far we’ve come since those first days and nights in small town Iowa... It’s been quite a ride, we’ve lived in a few different places, vacationed all over the world, lost a few people, had a couple brushes with mortality, bought a house, brought a couple of beautiful kids into this world and had about a thousand laughs along the way.

Below are a couple of things I thought were interesting about our journey to 20 years...

Many Places

We went from living in our parent’s basements to a shoebox apartment on Pearson and Dewitt in downtown Chicago* that was so small neither the oven or refrigerator door could be opened all the way. Next we headed north to a one-bedroom apartment in Gurnee, IL (with only a couch, TV and bed) to a two-bedroom in Milwaukee (New Berlin, WI) to a 2 bedroom condo in Schaumburg to buying a 10-room home in South Barrington (to start a family). By the way, we only used the kitchen and the bedroom for the first 5 years of owning our house then the kids were born and now that house looks like a damn used toys-r-us store that was recently hit by a tornado (like yesterday)!

Many Jobs

Doc went from her final years of medical school to her internship year to her residency to her first job and finally owning her own medical practice. I think that woman slept about 10 minutes during her training years and yet somehow sleeps less now that we have kids. She’s read every big-ass book on our bookshelf and she’s spooky smart. Somehow with not much sleep she still became pretty renowned by her colleagues and beloved by her patients. I on the other hand went from popular to lost to entrepreneur to a hermit. In the very beginning I went from bartending and lifeguarding in Keokuk to working in skyscrapers in New York City. Once I fell in love with Leslie I moved back and started a gig down in the loop in Chicago and eventually became one of those people who “worked from home” in Milwaukee and Schaumburg. Soon thereafter I started my own company (and another and another) and eventually ended up helping Leslie start her own practice which included general contracting, finance and janitorial skills (all of which I still use, sometimes all in one day)!

A Few Losses

Every day wasn’t always perfect in Beaird-O-ville… When we started dating we both had living fathers, unfortunately they both passed away before they could meet their granddaughter Ella. We’re both convinced she would’ve had them wrapped around her little finger immediately. But we were lucky enough for them both to meet their grandson as a baby and that gives us a small form of solace.

Health... Ugh

While we’re on the subject of bad days… We spent far too much time in hospitals in the last 20+ years. I had a hip replaced before we were even married and then the same one done 12 years later after a small ice dancing incident (ass over teakettle on the ice in the parking lot). I also decided I’d test my wife’s sanity and had somewhat emergent open heart surgery a couple years back (right as she was leaving her previous partnership and starting her own shop, no stress at all). About the only good trips we ever had to the hospital included bringing home Finn and Ella. Oh and those two got us a few more trips to the ER, but luckily no overnight stays (knock on wood). I thank God every day for the medical professionals who found my heart issue and fixed it. I could’ve easily dropped dead 2 ½ years ago and not been able to enjoy this beautiful life with such great family and friends. If you ever think for a minute doctors are paid too much remember I’m alive because of a few of them and the years of training they endured.

The Children

While we’re talking about my beautiful life, having children was the best thing we ever did. I never thought I could love anyone more than I loved Leslie, but they stole my heart the day they were born. You just don’t know how great it is until you do it… We were actually pretty cautious about having children, we wanted to have a house with a lawn and enough money in the bank to have children. Back then we thought we’d have one and Leslie would remain 100% focused on her career (4 weeks maternity she said). That 100% focus plan went right out the window when Finn was born and Leslie has been the top parent ever since (I’m mostly utilized as a driver). Oh and we rethought that one kid thing, thankfully. We sometimes kid that we had Ella so Finn would have someone to complain about his parents to when we’re older, but that little girl is something else (it's a little bit like raising a smaller cuter version of myself, challenging to say the least). It’s a rivalry but I really think they love each other, no really, I mean it… FYI, there’s no such thing as enough money to have children and I learn that more every single day (I cut checks to the barn).  

Money

When Doc and I first got together I was a lifeguard by day and a bartender at night and she was in medical school. Most of our lives we were so poor they called us poo_ because we couldn’t afford the R! She racked up Northwestern Medical School loans and I spent every dime I earned coming to see her on the weekends and during her breaks. We spent most of our time trying to figure out how to pay the interest on those damn loans. The day Leslie and I were married the running joke was her father took her hand out of his pocket and put it into mine at the cost of nearly a quarter of a million dollars. Let me tell you, it was closer to $150,000 and it was worth every penny! We started off pretty strapped for money, but after all these years we’ve amassed a pretty good amount of savings and we might even be considered upper middle class if it wasn’t for the damn kids (college savings funds, baseball bats and riding lessons are expensive)!


Conclusion
Looking back at it, I guess our strategy has always been to make small steps up when we could and keep working hard. We tried to be generous with our time, effort and love to the people around us. In turn several people gave us their generosity along the way. We relied on the help and love of our friends and family more than we probably deserved, but we were always thankful. Nowadays we don’t worry about the score or how much anyone owes us, we just have faith that it was ours to give when people needed it and it was a privilege to help. We just want our family and friends to be as happy as we are...

The only advice I could give anyone about marriage is to find someone smarter than you are with the same morals and upbringing as yourself and love them as much as you possibly can… Talk all the time, when your happy or sad or ready to kill the other person, talk, talk, talk! The only way anyone knows how the other person feels about anything or anyone is to talk. Oh and don’t ever try to read a woman’s mind and never assume they can read your’s, I’ve made that mistake several times in my marriage and I was wrong every time!

I’m not one to give advice, I fear sounding like a horse’s ass… All I can say is I married a woman who is the smartest person I know and she genuinely cares about other people.

A personal note to Doc: You are still the greatest thing that ever happened to me! Thank you for Finn and Ella and this beautiful life we have, here’s to 20 more!

*Don’t tell our parents we lived together before we were married, they thought I lived in the apartment next door and was over at her place a lot!

The Klondike Derby & Roughing it 2017

40 years ago today I was 6 1/2 years old & went with my father & my brother on a Boy Scout trip. This trip was to a place called Camp Eastman in west central Illinois and it was to the Klondike Derby. It was a pretty memorable trip for me & I want to share it with you.

The Klondike Derby was an outing where several Boy Scouts troops from all over Iowa, Illinois & Missouri come to learn survival skills in the extreme temperatures. Each scout would earn specific outdoor merit badges, learn some valuable skills, freeze their ass off & learn to truly appreciate sleeping in their beds at home. A special Klondike Derby patch was even given to each scout surviving the night in a tent (without giving up & having to bunk inside the warm mess hall). The patch was worn with pride the following Summer at a week-long scout camp also held at Camp Eastman. There were even contests & prizes for starting a fire the fastest & putting your tent up in the least amount of time (like I said valuable skills)! 

The weekend I went it was 35 degrees outside & there was 2 feet of snow on the ground. Did I mention we all slept in sleeping bags outside in tents? 

You may have missed it... 

We were outside, it was cold, there was snow, we only had snow suits, long underwear, hats, fire, kerosene lamps & stoves... There were no poly-blend-heat-securing-bodysuits or electric socks or hand/foot/butt warming pads back in the 70's!  

I was cold in the beginning, it was cold in the middle & it was even colder at the end!

I remember that weekend so vividly because it was so damn cold outside I burnt a hole in my boot trying to keep my feet warm by the fire. That was a BIG deal because I was 7 & my mom would kill my father if I was injured in any way. There was even talk of calling home (from the rangers cabin containing the only telephone) & having my mom come get me early. Several tiny frozen tears were shed because I wanted to stay with the big boys & I remained at camp!

The only way I was able to stay was because of a man named Jim Rendina (the Scoutmaster of my brother's troop & a family friend). Jim took 1 empty bread bag, doubled it over & stuck it inside my boot. He then took another bread bag & put my foot & part of my leg inside it. He did these two things to insure the snow wouldn't get inside the hole in my boot, melt & make my socks wet (which could lead to frostbite). I walked around for another day wearing an ugly green rubber boot with a multicolored wonder bread bag sticking out of the hole. But my foot remained dry & (for the lack of a better word) warm.

The only reason I mention this time from my childhood is because I recently had a similar situation where I had to "rough" it & tonight my son Finnegan & I are going to be "roughing-it" as well.

Above I put the terms rough & roughing-it in quotes because 40 years of my life have changed my definition of the words.

Last weekend I spent a few days at a friends lake home & when we arrived the heating system for the house was malfunctioning. That night we all had to hunker down in one large room that was heated via radiant heat. Luckily the room was perfect for the situation, it had several bunk beds (kids on top, adults on bottom), a big sectional couch (more adults) & the biggest damn residential flatscreen TV money can buy (Direct TV with 200+ channels).

I don't want to scare you, but I need to mention one other circumstance... 

The wifi at their lake home was broken... 

This was truly the modern day version of "roughing-it"!

Luckily the next morning the HVAC system was repaired & the rest of the 5-bedroom house was fully functional for the remainder of our stay. It was a really great family weekend where much wine & spirits were consumed & far too much food was shoveled in by all in attendance. Football games were watched, stories were told (exaggerated a bit)... board games were played, children were chased by The Claw & even a few dance-offs were won by your's truly.

The lake house Klondike weekend was survived!

I'm also reminded of the 1977 Klondike Derby because tonight I'm tasked with being a chaperone for my son's gymnastics team "Lock-In". A few fathers and I will be watching-over a group of 40 boys who probably won't sleep more than about an hour the entire night. They will all have access to the mats, pits, rings & climbing rope & im hopeful all will survive without great injury. 

The funny part of this "Lock-In" is each child will bring a sleeping bag, a backpack full of drinks & snacks, an iPad & a comfy pillow. The coaches even suggested the chaperones could bring blow-up mattresses if they'd like & reminded us wifi will be made available if we need to work or stream music or live TV.

I sure hope Finn & I can survive 8 hours inside a 72 degree gym including several 6 x 20 foot 12-inch thick crash mats & only 5,000 square feet of padded (and bouncy) flooring. 

We only have wifi, iPads, Nintendo DS, snacks, drinks, streaming music & television, air-mattresses, sleeping bags, pillows & mobile phones to protect & entertain us!

From burning my boot in a campfire & a wonder bread bag on my foot to sleeping on a couch & complaining about the slow speed of public wifi in a little over 40 years...

Roughing it!

Advice for young adults

I think there is a vast group of young adults who were put out into this world without the knowledge or common sense they need to make good decisions. Some children are being parented by 4 separate people living in 2 different homes, some are being raised by single mothers with no male presence in their lives and some are even being raised by single grandparents on their own. Even a child being raised inside a fully functional home has parents who struggle with the amount of work needed to survive let alone save for college or teach them the skills they need to succeed in this world. 

I also think there are a few small blocks of children in this country being raised by parents who are 2nd Generation Common-Sense-Less. These are children being raised by parents with no common sense because their parents had no one in their home with any common sense! These are the children being raised by people who spend 90% of their time updating their Facebook status instead of talking to their young adults or parents who answer every question their young adult asks with "because I said" instead of actually explaining how things work and preparing their child for the real world.

But I have faith that a little common sense will help them and my hope is some advice from a former young adult (me) will help with a few specific matters. 

This section of my blog was taken from a chapter I wrote on the basics of common sense for millennials, it's all about how doing something wrong is basically inevitable and how to avoid the BIG mistakes that can eliminate some of the long term options available to them later in life.

Warning: This is not an after school special, it includes fowl language and some uncomfortable subject matter.

Specific Advice for Young Women:

As the father of a daughter I can’t go on without mentioning some specific practices I think will make the life of girls, ladies and women a little bit easier. Please add these ideas to your book of knowledge!

-Pregnant, decide when to be and with whom wisely: Stop having sex with men that don’t have jobs! Let me say it again, STOP HAVING SEX WITH ANYONE WHO DOESN'T HAVE A JOB! And never, ever have sex with a man who has a kid and doesn’t take care of it. Please practice safe sex (get on the pill and use condoms) and don't get pregnant until you can pay for it yourself or you’ve been married for a couple years and you are living in a place where you can raise a child comfortably (an apartment with more than one bedroom or a multi-room house)! Men lie and will do anything to get laid, so don't fall for their bullshit. Men who don’t have jobs have no means with which to support you or a child. And men who don’t support their previous offspring will not support your child if you have one. Also see next two rules (read carefully)!

-On my couch, that’s where: If you’re going to fool around, I’d rather it be on my couch in my house than in the back of a car or at some party where I can’t protect you. If a boy thinks you’re worth it he’ll respect you enough to want you to feel safe. And the safest place for you when there’s a horny little fucker around you is under my roof. The last thing I want is you doing anything that you don’t want to, especially if I can help you avoid it. Don’t be embarrassed; I’ll deal with you being active, I just want you safe! Oh, and talk to your mother, she knows about this stuff! The next rule is most important …

-If it has a penis, it lies: Don’t believe anything that comes out of a boy’s mouth! If you really like a boy don't kiss him on the first date. If he really cares for you he’ll be back! Don't ever tell a boy something he can use to manipulate you later, he will! They're completely untrustworthy; I was one, it’s true! Even boys who really think they love you will lie. They don't really know the truth, they only know what their body tells them and they'll say anything to get what their body needs (it’s like a man looking for water in a desert)! Don't believe he'll marry you until he rents the tux, and don’t believe he’ll stick around because he loves you. Half the time a man doesn’t know what the hell he wants to do tomorrow, and he definitely doesn’t have any idea what he wants to do with the rest of his life. Boys and men lie—ask your mother or any other woman you know. They lie, they're liars … guilty until proven innocent!*

-You will have to THINK for him: Boys and most young men are dumber than they look and when sex is involved they become the dumbest and most shortsighted version of themselves they possibly can be. Always expect to do all of the thinking for both of you… Where, when, how, protection and if it will ever happen again? Trust me, boys can only operate one thing at a time and that thing is definitely NOT his brain!

-Don't do drugs: Girls who become users are nothing more than a commodity in drug circles, and it isn’t for their “looks.” Boys who do drugs are temporary and they think you are too. They will treat you with the temporariness that they consider themselves to be. People with no value for their own lives do not value others and will lie (even more than a regular boy) to get through the day. If they know you like to get high, they’ll buy the drug and supply it to you for free just to “enjoy your company.” If you refuse their company the free drugs will end. You’ll end up with a ton of bad thoughts in your head and a lifetime to drag them around. A lifetime is a very long time and dragging around heavy regret makes it even longer.

-Naked in the mirror only: Don’t ever send anyone naked pictures of yourself. Even if you love that boy and he thinks he loves you too, there could be a time when someone changes their mind and it ends badly. The boy is an idiot and could (and will) either send the pictures to his friends or publish them somewhere embarrassing for you. And again, if he says, “I’ll delete them right after,” he’s lying (people with penises do that a lot)! Also, you could lose your phone, get it hacked or, worse yet, accidentally send them to the wrong person! If you must send something, never, ever send a picture with your face or anything specific to you or your surroundings, that’s just plain dumb! Always have the ability to say the other person is lying should the pictures surface. Google the phrase “plausible deniability” immediately (and don’t ever use your knowledge of it against your father).

-Tattoos, not until you're 25: It seems silly, but don't get a tattoo. No one looks at a girl with a tattoo and thinks, She’s a virgin and I bet she’s really smart. Everyone thinks, This girl must’ve had bad parents and I bet she's easy. FYI, this is not how I feel, just the impression most people have about girls with ink. I think ink is beautiful, but no one likes a chick with a tattoo at a later date when you’re a mother or grandmother. Ink fades and the lure will also, plus your body will not be as firm and tight one day as it is now. Think about your sweet grandmother, what if she had a “Hot Bitch” tramp stamp on her lower back? Do you want her to come and swim at the pool with you and your friends in a bikini (with her faded sagging "Hot Bitch" tattoo hanging off her old lady skin)? When you’re 25 or 30 get whatever the hell you want inked onto your skin, but before you really know who you are or have lived a little bit it’s not a well-thought-out idea. Please … pretty please, no tattoos until you’re at least 25. And if you must, please put it in a place where you can control if people see it easily. And never anyone's name, unless it's your mother or child, no one's name, EVER!

-Your number: Don't ever tell a man how many others you’ve been with; they are very small thinkers when it comes to this issue. No man ever wants to be the last guy picked in gym class or the last person in a very long line. It’s an issue men have, it's their issue, not your's, but it's an issue to avoid. And while we’re on the subject, multiply his number by two, because he’s lying (he does have a penis).

*You'll notice you have more rules than men... I know, it's not fair, but it's the way it is... Men are idiots and not to be trusted to think about anything more than feeding and bathing themselves!

Specific Advice for Young Men:

I have a son, so I know you guys need some specific rules to make your life easier. Don’t worry, I’ll make this short so you can go back to thinking about sex, fantasy football and video games.

-Pregnant: Don’t get anyone knocked up unless you have a job and a house and enough income to marry the woman and raise a child. Getting a girl pregnant doesn’t make you a man. Being ready to be a father and support a woman and her child makes you a man. Sticking around when shit gets hard makes you a man. Being dumb and fucking up a woman and child’s life because you wanted some temporary happiness makes you an idiot (not a man). Thinking about your actions before you make them and living with the consequences makes you a man! Be a man and THINK before you act!

-Locker room bullshitting: When you’re a kid you’ll lie your ass off about all the girls you had sex with; it’s called immaturity (look it up, try to avoid it). Once you actually have sex you need to keep your pie hole shut about it. Don’t go ruining some girl’s reputation because you’re a small-thinking douche-bag who wants to look cool in front of your friends. Other girls find out when a guy runs his mouth about his "escapades" and won’t be dumb enough to become one of them anytime soon. A man who has discretion will always get more play than a guy whose conquests are public information. Remember, women talk too, do you want them finding out you are running your mouth and telling their friends how small or short things are or were? Be mature, keep your mouth shut!

-Naked photos acquired during sexting: Delete them, dummy! If your parents, girlfriends, friends, school or police find them your ass could get into some pretty serious trouble. If you think it’s cool, remember it’s illegal to share photos of someone without their permission, and you can be liable for any damages the girl may incur by your ignorance. Plus, if you run across a girl with a much bigger older brother or crazy father with guns they might hunt you down and turn you from a rooster into a hen! Don’t be a little fuck-tard, hit delete dummy!

-Out of the House: Anyone living at their parents’ after the age of 25 is an idiot! No woman wants to date a man who doesn’t grow up and take care of himself. No woman wants a man who just takes from his parents, because you will eventually take from her (she doesn’t want to be your second mother, you lazy fuck). Think of the impression you're giving: I take, I’m lazy, I can’t cook or clean for myself, please fall in love with me so you can cook and clean for me! Learn how to do your own damn laundry, cook your own meals and be someone worth adding to a woman’s life and then you’ll be worth having as a boyfriend. Women are smart, you are dumb; they see through your bullshit, and living “above the garage” still means living “with your parents!” Get out of the house and make something of yourself you jackass!

You'll notice their weren't a lot of rules for young men, that's because you are dumb and you can't remember to many things at once... You need to find a woman who is smart and can teach you how to a better person!

It's a very rough world out there for young adults, please try to make decisions that help you instead of make life harder... Life is so much easier when you avoid the pitfalls from making bad decisions... 

Honestly, most bad decisions can be avoided by just taking a beat and actually thinking about your situation... Try to pick good role models and surround yourself with good people... Good luck and feel free to ask the smarter adults in your life for advice (they've been there)!

It’s not the wrestling, it’s the fans…

A few months back I was the master of ceremonies of a Polar Plunge charity event held by the Hawkeye Wrestling Club. If you haven’t been, this one brings together wrestling fans of all shapes, sizes and ages to a very frozen lake just off the backside of a country club in the beginning of January in Iowa. The volunteers raise donations to sponsor them jumping into an ice cold lake to support former college wrestlers trying to become World and Olympic champions. The youngest jumper was 10 and the oldest was nearly 65. Over 40 people jumped and the event raised close to $100,000.

At the end of the evening I became a bit overwhelmed by the immense human kindness of it all and stated (choked up)... “When great people come together for a good cause, amazing things can happen!”.

Fast forward to last week in St. Louis where my Hawkeyes came up short to the Buckeyes at the NCAA Wrestling tournament. I was and still am disappointed, but time moves forward and I don’t take it personal. It was an amazing event though, the wrestling is getting better every year and the competition is the best in the world. But what ESPN didn't show you during their 3 days of stellar coverage was a former high school wrestling coach named Rob and a freshman wrestler named Colin. It’s those two people I’d like to tell you about now.

A little less than a month ago my friend Rob read an article in a local Colorado paper about a boy named Colin who has a rare disorder called Fahr's disease. It is a progressive degenerative neurological disorder where the brain actually calcifies. There is no cure and doctors told Colin that the illness will eventually kill him. Colin's response to the doctors, “I’m a wrestler, and wrestlers don’t quit!”.

Clearly that line stuck with Rob, because he is a former high school wrestling coach and current advisor to the board of the Hawkeye Wrestling Club. He immediately forwarded it to the other board members and head coach Tom Brands asking, “Can we do something for this kid?”. The response was immediate and unanimous, “You bet your ass we can!” and a plan was made.

The plan included having Colin as a guest of the Hawkeye Wrestling Club at the NCAA Championships in St. Louis. Rob donated his 4 tickets to the event, hotel rooms were acquired, money for food and gas was donated and special guests were scheduled for Colin’s arrival. Once everything was in place Rob sought out the writer of the article who then facilitated a call with Colin’s high school coach. And a few days later (a week before the Championships) Rob drove up to Colin’s hometown and presented him with the tickets and all that was required to attend the championships. Colin was nice enough to bring his best friend, his father (someone had to drive) and high school wrestling coach.

Before I talk about Colin’s trip, I must first tell you about my friend Rob and his wife Barb. He’s one of the most passionate college wrestling fans I’ve ever met and she is the sweetest, most patient woman I’ve ever met. (If you read between the lines it said he’s crazy and she puts up with him). They are originally from the Dewitt, IA area and moved to Colorado several years ago to raise a family amongst the mountains. Rob worked for a roofing company he now partly owns and Barb was the Vice President of a very large financial institution while they raised two beautiful girls named Meghan and Mo.

They’re life isn’t without pain though, sadly they lost their son Neil to SIDs. Rob and his wife still volunteer as a part of a support group for young parents dealing with the same loss and Barb, who’s now retired, makes jewelry and donates the profits from her efforts to SIDs research. If that isn’t enough Barb spends most of her mornings delivering meals on wheels. Did I mention 10 years ago Rob battled stomach cancer and won?

The great thing about Rob and Barb is the fact that even though they’ve had a pretty rough go of it, they still feel every day is a blessing and they feel like they are some of the luckiest people walking the Earth (when the trust is we are lucky to have them here). They spend most of their winter months following the Hawkeye Wrestling team and fly back to Iowa for several Hawkeye Wrestling meets and most of the big tournaments (Midlands, BIGs and NCAAs) every year.

Back to Colin’s trip, upon his arrival at the hotel in St. Louis he was presented with a HWC banner for his room, shirts and hats. 

And when he got to the tournament we brought him over to the suite to meet with current members of the Hawkeye Wrestling Club, US National freestyle team members and legendary wrestling coach Dan Gable. 

I'm pretty sure Colin had a good week even though the Hawks didn't win it all. I'm not sure though, the kid never stopped smiling enough to really talk too much.

In closing, I wrote this blog post because I wanted people to know about Rob and Colin. I also wanted people to know the Hawkeye Wrestling Club isn't just about supporting World and Olympic wrestlers, it's about supporting wrestling and the values it instills in our young adults. I think now more than ever the children of our country need wrestling, wrestling coaches and wrestling fans.

You see, my friend Rob could have just read the article and done nothing... but he didn't... Rob and his family are wrestling fans and wrestling fans are great people... 

And when great people come together for a good cause, amazing things can happen!

Special thanks to Coach Gable, Matt McDonough, Phil Keddy, Tony Ramos and Brent Metcalf.

Thanks to Rob and Barb for the reminder that there is good in this world and that great things can happen through love and charity.

And thanks to Colin for your inspiration, you are a brave young man, it was a pleasure to meet you. You are the youngest member of the HWC, we are wrestlers and we never quit!

I leave you all with one last quote...

"I will never give up, I will never lose hope in a cure, I will never stop inspiring others to do the impossible. Defy all odds, set your goal, and dream big. It will take work, dedication, persistence, and skill, but wrestling has already taught me all these things!!"
                                                                            -Colin Leypoldt 


You can read more about Colin here ->

http://www.berthoudsurveyor.com/colin-leypoldt-is-far-too-strong-to-let-fahrs-keep-him-from-his-dream/

You can read Colin's writing here ->

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=407579442683192&id=407412622699874

You can view Barb’s jewelry line here ->

http://www.storytellingstrands.com/

The Art of Showering

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Good morning and Happy New Year to all...

I thought I might share a small part of a chapter I'm writing as part of a book entitled "237 things Millennial's should know, but don't" to see if anyone has any input to make it better. Please share whatever advice you have or message me any experiences you think will help me write a better list.  

Thank you, Kyle

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The Art of Showering

It has been brought to my attention by several parents, doctors and coaches that most young people (mostly young men) do not in fact know how to shower. Scratch that, they know how to shower, but they don't know how to get themselves clean. They know how to get into a shower and turn the water on, but they do NOT in fact know what to do once the water is flowing.

Here are 12 easy steps to showering:

Step 1: Know the goal. The goal of every shower is to have soap touch every part of your body at least once. Some of the stinkier places (pits, cracks and feet) will require more attention. In most cases showering is to get the stink (dead skin and sweat) off. In other cases a shower may require you to scrub dirt or grime off of your body. Know the goal before you head into the shower, be prepared!

Step 2: Prepare to take a shower. When you go to take a shower, make sure there's a clean towel, washcloth, soap and shampoo before you turn it on. Some people even brush their teeth in the shower, so make sure you include your mouthwash and toothbrush if you are one of those people.

Step 3: Turn the water on and warm it up. No one likes a cold shower, make sure it’s set to your preference and note the location of the dial so you can set it there the next time you shower. Once it’s warm enough, get in!

Step 4: Put in mouthwash or pre-rinse. This will enable you to swirl the fluid through your mouth and teeth while you shower. You will spit it out in the middle or end of your shower and begin to brush your teeth, but it's more efficient if you apply it to your teeth now and swirl while you proceed through the next steps. No one wants to stand there wasting time swirling fluid through their teeth later, plus it's a waste of water (for your environmentally conscious bathers).

Step 5: Start at the top. Wet your hair, then take out the shampoo, pour a little in your hand and put it in your hair. The amount of shampoo you need is relative to the amount of hair you have on your head. If you prefer you can take some of the foam from your hair and wash your face before you rinse your hair and face thoroughly. Some people prefer using shampoo on their faces because soap dries it out.

Step 6: Soap-Time. Grab the soap, take it, put it on every surface of your body that you can touch. Pits, chest, shoulders, neck, back (best you can), downstairs, front-door, backdoor, basement, legs and feet. Do yourself a favor and rinse the soap periodically so you're not just moving dirt from one area to another.

Step 7: Rinse entire body.

Step 8: Clean the pipes. This one may surprise you, fold your hands around your nose and blow your nose into your hands. That’s right, blow your nose in the shower! At this point you’ve been in the shower for a bit and the steam from the shower has probably opened up your nasal passages, there is no better time to blow your nose. Sure it’s a little gross, but you can quickly rinse your hands with the water from the shower. If it’s a little too gross to have buggers in your hands for 0.6 seconds you may apply the one-finger over one nostril snot rocket technique. You cover one nostril, blow hard and shoot snot from the other opening out onto the floor of the shower. Once one side is clear, repeat on the other until it is clear. Please note, at the end of the shower make sure all the snot goes down the drain, no one needs to step on your snot corpses when they shower after you!

Step 9: Washcloth for the stinky parts. Take the aforementioned soap and put it into the washcloth, lather up the washcloth and scrub the stinky parts of your body. Get a little soap in and around your ears, up into your armpits, get your downstairs, all the doors and rooms and then the feet. These areas are the ones that tend to stink the most and need the most additional attention. Scrubbing these areas vigorously now will reduced rashes, fungus, skin tags later in life and make you smell better (like) immediately.

Step 10: Rinse everything, everywhere. Let the shower thoroughly rinse your entire body, get all of the soap off and the final remnants of stink will go right down the drain. Make sure the water hits every area of your body directly. Start at the top, re-rinse your hair, rinse your ears and hit everything on the way down to your feet, front and back. You may need to move parts of your body to insure the water hits another part of your body, do so to insure everything gets rinsed clean. No one wants to get out of the shower with soap in an area covered by another body part (use your imagination).

Step 11: Time to clean the chompers. Spit out your mouthwash, grab your toothbrush and toothpaste. Apply the toothpaste to the brush and brush your teeth (again, thoroughly). Brush the tops and bottoms, fronts and backs, right side and left. Spit out the foam and repeat top, bottoms, left and right. Rinse out your mouth. Why brush your teeth in the shower? I won't go into detail, but let's just say your toothbrush is safer and cleaner when it's stored in your shower and not beside your sink. Onto the next step before you think about it too long. Also this gives you more time to rinse in the shower!

Step 12 (optional*): Repeat steps 5-9.

Step 13: Turn off water, self squeegee the excess water off your body with your hands, step out of the shower safely and apply towel to dry.

Once outside the shower wrap the towel around yourself, look in the mirror and start your beautification regiment!

Important Notes:

I have nothing against taking a bath or people who take baths, some of my best friends take baths. I’m just saying you will find out later in life you don’t always have time to take a bath and showering is more appropriate.

When working with soap and washcloth it is advisable to clean the entire body before cleaning your back-door and basement areas, never in the opposite order. Cleaning one's face directly after cleaning between your cheeks is completely unacceptable (use your brain).

A rhyme about washing your feet... Wash between your toes, because that's where the fungus grows!

*When I say optional, I mean NOT-optional. If you are virtually clean then there may not be a need for repeating, but if you have broken a sweat, you smell or it’s been awhile you are dirty and should repeat… Please, for the Love of God, repeat!

Halloween & the Keokuk Jaycees

I'm not overly impressed or nervous around famous people, I'm not afraid of the dark, I'm a pretty charitable person, I love Halloween & it's all because of the Keokuk Jaycees!

When I was a child my father & my uncle Mike were part of a group of men in my hometown called the Keokuk Jaycees. They were a charitable organization made up of men from all walks of life who came together to support those more needy people in our community as well as make the community a little more fun place to live. They were pretty famous for their haunted house, street fair, fireworks display & Christmas party back in the day.

The Keokuk Street Fair & the Jaycees Haunted House were their main fundraising events & the community fireworks show & Christmas party for underprivileged children were their charitable causes. The community was definitely a better place & more fun because of this organization & the men like my father & uncle.

The Street Fair... It was a week long event that was held in the beginning of every summer. They brought in a group with rides & games of chance to fill the midway & booked acts to preform each night on a stage (which they built). 

They would get a cut of the rides & sold beer from a tent beside the stage to raise money to pay for the performers. There was normally one or two pretty big acts each summer & it was kind of a big deal. In the beginning the fair was actually held on Main Street in Keokuk, but it was eventually moved down to the riverfront. 

The riverfront was a perfect location anyway, it was very cool having so much fun & listening to music with the old bridge, the dam & the river as the scenic background.

The Haunted House... It was held every weekend during the month of October at the Old Jaycee Hall. The hall was an old elementary school with full gymnasium, stage, lockerrooms, classrooms & offices. It was 2 stories & made the best damn haunted house you've ever dreamed (or had nightmares) about. The damn building was even scary looking from the outside!

The Jaycees would take the aforementioned stage from the street fair & reassemble it into a maze on the gymnasium floor. The panels were stood upright, attached to oneanother & made into a very tall & long convoluted hallway with twists & turns that was about 100 yards in length. People entered on the bottom floor of the building into the gym. Groups of 10-12 would be "guided" through the maze (which was pitch dark) into various dead ends, spooky rooms, surprise situations (including a guy with a very loud chain-less-chainsaw) & a barrage of audio & visual stimulation.

At the end of the maze the group was guided through the remaining rooms on the bottom floor & then up the stairs to the top floor (all of which were "blood-soaked" & scarier than the damn pitch-dark maze)! Each room on the 2nd floor was more scary than the next. 

The Haunted House ended in a pitch dark room that was quickly lit with black lights to expose a completely fluorescent painted room that had large bugs falling towards the group & quickly filled with about 20 scary guys carrying plastic axes, pitchforks & spears scaring you out the front door of the top floor of the building.

The street fair & haunted house were the two funnest times of the year for me... I remember them so vividly now. I have a couple special & crazy memories of my father, my uncle & other Jaycees I'd like to submit for the record...

The street fair (building the stage)... It took 4-5 days to get ready for the street fair back then. The city would clear the riverfront park & the power companies would set up special power capabilities. The police & fire departments would prepare the area to insure safety (railroad crossing gates, etc.) & even the city/county/state would come & check the rides before the fair's opening day. 

But the biggest preparation was putting together the Jaycee entertainment & event management area. 

They would bring in a construction site office trailor to serve as the Jaycee command post where they'd meet, plan, count & communicate with CB radio to everyone on the grounds (Jaycees walked the entire park as security/special assistance). The night guys also sometimes used the trailer as a place to crash. 

Two flatbeds were then brought in and placed in perfect position so the Jaycees could build the stage (backdrop, platform atop the flatbeds, side access from ground to stage & frontside walkout towards the crowd) around it. By the time they got done you couldn't even see the flatbeds, it was pretty damn impressive. After that they would raise a tent in the back for the Jaycees, their families & others to gather before & after the shows.

8 year old construction guy... One summer I was old enough to go with my father to help with the construction of the stage (something I'd seen my brother do before enviously). My father & uncle were high up in the Jaycees & pretty much in charge when it came to these events so my dad just said "be helpful, don't get hurt & don't get in the way". He & Uncle Mike were very busy & had no time to babysit so I followed his instructions very closely. 

At 8 years old I thought I was pretty much an adult & found a way to be critical to the operation (okay, somewhat helpful). As the other Jaycees were putting together the parts of the stage they would need the fasteners & tools used to secure the sections together. I stood by the 3 or 4 buckets of hardware & the tool boxes & when someone needed something... I would deliver!

Eventually the job became more challenging because I was put in charge (self-proclaimed) of nail delivery for the "finishing" part of the stage. I would have to run under full sections of the stage already built that were about 4' tall & 30' long. Being that I was only about 4' tall at the time & kind of fast, nail delivery was kind of my fortay (as I remember it)!

My father & uncle both said that I'd been helpful that first day on the job. I can still remember being proud hearing them talk about it from the backseat. Those guys were freaking giants from the backseat. I could barely understand what they were talking about, but damn it was cool! 

I pretty much became a main fixture (some would say mascot) down at the fair shortly thereafter (with or without my father & uncle). I was pretty proud of that fact as a kid, it was fun & a good part of my childhood being around the action with a little independence. 

Burn baby, burn... I think the 2nd or 3rd summer I was able to help with the build I got a little out in front of my skis & took my shirt off (being like the big guys) during the stage building. This became known as the dumbest thing I've ever done (childhood years). I learned the lesson of sunscreen importance & how the skin bubbles if burnt bad enough when sunscreen is not applied (white-white-white boy meets the hot sun). The skin on my shoulders literally, figuratively & physically bubbled! I also learned how loud my mother could yell that day & how ultimately afraid of her my father could be when she was mad.

Luckily it was also the time I met Judy Walrath! She was a medicine woman who knew about this very cool plant extract called Aloe*. Judy (who was married to Earl, a Jaycee & my youth wrestling coach) was able to take the sting out of my burn. She cut off a stem of her Aloe plant & gently applied the extract (saav) to my boiling shoulders basically saving me from a trip to the hospital. 

FYI, I'm totally joking about her being a medicine woman, but now that I think about it, she did live in a place called "Indian Hills"!

*Note to self, go back in time & tell parents to create Aloe Vera so our family becomes independently wealthy!

The street fair (family tent)... the tent that was built behind the stage was for Jaycees, their families & the performers in the show. It was a great place to be as a kid (free Pepsi & Mt. Dew). I think I drank about $1,000 worth of free soda each summer in that tent! 

I become a climber... When we (they) finalized raising the tent someone mentioned we (they) needed to hang the lights between the poles that held up the center of the tent. It got quite dark at night inside the tent by the river with no real street or park lights nearby. 

When it came time to run the lights we didn't have a ladder around so my Uncle boosted me on his shoulders & I hooked them as high as I could. Eventually the day darkened & someone determined the lights needed to be raised a couple more feet higher. Still no ladder readily available, so my old man told me to climb up the pole & move them up.

Call it an overobundance of sugared soda or shear ignorance, but I climbed up that pole like a damn spider-monkey. I pushed the lights all the way to the top & then (tempting fate) did the same on the other pole holding up the other end of the tent. God, my mother would've killed my father & I if she'd known about it. 

By midweek the other Jaycees would bet me free-ride tickets if I was able to climb to the top in a certain amount of time. I'm not saying I was fast, but I pretty much rode the rides whenever I wanted with those free tickets!

Famous people... It was in that tent I met Jim Ed Brown & Helen Cornelius, two big country music stars at the time. I didn't know who the hell they were, I was 10. Jim Ed Brown was a goddamn giant, he stood about 8 foot tall & had hands as big as skillets (to me anyway). Helen Cornelius let me sit on her lap even though she was wearing her sequin gown (she was beautiful by the way). I always wondered why people lined up to take pictures with the lady who sat me on her lap... What was the big deal? 

I even met & got to spend time with Chubby Checker. His son Shan Egan travelled with him that summer, he was my age, we became fast friends during the 2 days they were in town & I damn-near finished the tour with he & the band (the son was very lonely being the only kid on the road). My dad was minutes from saying I could go with them, but he was reminded he'd have to explain it to my mother & decided against it (wise move pops)!

I remember being in a store on Main Street at the time & the owner made a racial slur about Chubby while Shan was with my father & I picking up something on the way to lunch (worst memory of my childhood). My father immediately told the man to shut his mouth (fists tightening), put what we were going to buy down on his counter, left it there & walked out (we never shopped in that store ever again). I'd never been so embarrassed in my life, I felt bad for Shan & proud of my father. That was a pretty good & bad memory, but a memory that shaped me nonetheless. 

FYI Shan is a pretty famous Funk Master now, I think I had a lot to do with that... Ha!

The Haunted House... My father & uncle ran the maze at the beginning of the Haunted House which included managing all of the audio & visual effects & timing everything for ultimate scare factor. I remember on the weekends I used to sit in the pitch dark (flashlight downward only) in the electronics management area with my father & uncle. 

Every once in awhile they'd let me signal the front desk to send another group through the maze (solid flashlight beem on a spot on the ceiling). Eventually they let me do a little bit of the audio & visual effects & even some of the scaring. It was pretty neat how they slowly gave me responsibility for things that I held very important. I cherish the things I learned from them, the haunted house sounds, lights, darkness, costumes, props & timing were pretty ahead of their time back then. I love scaring the pants off the young adult kids that hit our house trick or treating, they always get a little more than they expected.

The fireworks... I wasn't let anywhere near them during this event, but I sat on a tailgate with the rest of Keokuk & watched the sky light up with their hard work. Actually, I might've been a little prouder than most kids that night though, because I knew who was behind the scenes making it happen. The show was always longer & more spectacular than the year before it. 

The Christmas party... My father played Santa & gave out the gifts to the kids. I was able to help out for that event a little. It was pretty cool to know who Santa really was & to think that my father was one of "Santa's helpers". The charitable spirit was pretty amazing to see in practice. Of all the events the Jaycees had, this was their favorite. No fireworks, no famous people, no rides or scaring people, just a bunch of men giving out gifts & serving dinner to underprivileged children. It's hard for me to describe those days, all I can say is those men did an amazing thing with smiles on their faces & all went home to hug their families tight at the end of the day.

My father & my uncle taught me so much by their examples. I'm so thankful they brought me along to their events. So much of who I am as a man was formed back during those times. 

They were both eventually awarded JCI Senator status by the International Jaycee organization for their leadership, community involvement, civic pride & improvement of the local chapter. They had a pin ceremony, got a plaque, their picture in the paper & everything.

Even though my father died 5 years ago & my mom has moved from their home to a new home that plaque still hangs proudly on her wall.

I'm sad the events & organizations like the Jaycees aren't available to the community now, but happy for the memories I have & the friends my father garnered through the organization. I still see some of them back home every once in awhile. They too were giants to me & always will be in my heart & mind.

Thanks to my father, my uncle Mike & the Keokuk Jaycees most of all for my charitable nature. Whenever I give, donate or volunteer it is in your memory, by your example & in your stead...