I think there is a vast group of young adults who were put out into this world without the knowledge or common sense they need to make good decisions. Some children are being parented by 4 separate people living in 2 different homes, some are being raised by single mothers with no male presence in their lives and some are even being raised by single grandparents on their own. Even a child being raised inside a fully functional home has parents who struggle with the amount of work needed to survive let alone save for college or teach them the skills they need to succeed in this world.
I also think there are a few small blocks of children in this country being raised by parents who are 2nd Generation Common-Sense-Less. These are children being raised by parents with no common sense because their parents had no one in their home with any common sense! These are the children being raised by people who spend 90% of their time updating their Facebook status instead of talking to their young adults or parents who answer every question their young adult asks with "because I said" instead of actually explaining how things work and preparing their child for the real world.
But I have faith that a little common sense will help them and my hope is some advice from a former young adult (me) will help with a few specific matters.
This section of my blog was taken from a chapter I wrote on the basics of common sense for millennials, it's all about how doing something wrong is basically inevitable and how to avoid the BIG mistakes that can eliminate some of the long term options available to them later in life.
Warning: This is not an after school special, it includes fowl language and some uncomfortable subject matter.
Specific Advice for Young Women:
As the father of a daughter I can’t go on without mentioning some specific practices I think will make the life of girls, ladies and women a little bit easier. Please add these ideas to your book of knowledge!
-Pregnant, decide when to be and with whom wisely: Stop having sex with men that don’t have jobs! Let me say it again, STOP HAVING SEX WITH ANYONE WHO DOESN'T HAVE A JOB! And never, ever have sex with a man who has a kid and doesn’t take care of it. Please practice safe sex (get on the pill and use condoms) and don't get pregnant until you can pay for it yourself or you’ve been married for a couple years and you are living in a place where you can raise a child comfortably (an apartment with more than one bedroom or a multi-room house)! Men lie and will do anything to get laid, so don't fall for their bullshit. Men who don’t have jobs have no means with which to support you or a child. And men who don’t support their previous offspring will not support your child if you have one. Also see next two rules (read carefully)!
-On my couch, that’s where: If you’re going to fool around, I’d rather it be on my couch in my house than in the back of a car or at some party where I can’t protect you. If a boy thinks you’re worth it he’ll respect you enough to want you to feel safe. And the safest place for you when there’s a horny little fucker around you is under my roof. The last thing I want is you doing anything that you don’t want to, especially if I can help you avoid it. Don’t be embarrassed; I’ll deal with you being active, I just want you safe! Oh, and talk to your mother, she knows about this stuff! The next rule is most important …
-If it has a penis, it lies: Don’t believe anything that comes out of a boy’s mouth! If you really like a boy don't kiss him on the first date. If he really cares for you he’ll be back! Don't ever tell a boy something he can use to manipulate you later, he will! They're completely untrustworthy; I was one, it’s true! Even boys who really think they love you will lie. They don't really know the truth, they only know what their body tells them and they'll say anything to get what their body needs (it’s like a man looking for water in a desert)! Don't believe he'll marry you until he rents the tux, and don’t believe he’ll stick around because he loves you. Half the time a man doesn’t know what the hell he wants to do tomorrow, and he definitely doesn’t have any idea what he wants to do with the rest of his life. Boys and men lie—ask your mother or any other woman you know. They lie, they're liars … guilty until proven innocent!*
-You will have to THINK for him: Boys and most young men are dumber than they look and when sex is involved they become the dumbest and most shortsighted version of themselves they possibly can be. Always expect to do all of the thinking for both of you… Where, when, how, protection and if it will ever happen again? Trust me, boys can only operate one thing at a time and that thing is definitely NOT his brain!
-Don't do drugs: Girls who become users are nothing more than a commodity in drug circles, and it isn’t for their “looks.” Boys who do drugs are temporary and they think you are too. They will treat you with the temporariness that they consider themselves to be. People with no value for their own lives do not value others and will lie (even more than a regular boy) to get through the day. If they know you like to get high, they’ll buy the drug and supply it to you for free just to “enjoy your company.” If you refuse their company the free drugs will end. You’ll end up with a ton of bad thoughts in your head and a lifetime to drag them around. A lifetime is a very long time and dragging around heavy regret makes it even longer.
-Naked in the mirror only: Don’t ever send anyone naked pictures of yourself. Even if you love that boy and he thinks he loves you too, there could be a time when someone changes their mind and it ends badly. The boy is an idiot and could (and will) either send the pictures to his friends or publish them somewhere embarrassing for you. And again, if he says, “I’ll delete them right after,” he’s lying (people with penises do that a lot)! Also, you could lose your phone, get it hacked or, worse yet, accidentally send them to the wrong person! If you must send something, never, ever send a picture with your face or anything specific to you or your surroundings, that’s just plain dumb! Always have the ability to say the other person is lying should the pictures surface. Google the phrase “plausible deniability” immediately (and don’t ever use your knowledge of it against your father).
-Tattoos, not until you're 25: It seems silly, but don't get a tattoo. No one looks at a girl with a tattoo and thinks, She’s a virgin and I bet she’s really smart. Everyone thinks, This girl must’ve had bad parents and I bet she's easy. FYI, this is not how I feel, just the impression most people have about girls with ink. I think ink is beautiful, but no one likes a chick with a tattoo at a later date when you’re a mother or grandmother. Ink fades and the lure will also, plus your body will not be as firm and tight one day as it is now. Think about your sweet grandmother, what if she had a “Hot Bitch” tramp stamp on her lower back? Do you want her to come and swim at the pool with you and your friends in a bikini (with her faded sagging "Hot Bitch" tattoo hanging off her old lady skin)? When you’re 25 or 30 get whatever the hell you want inked onto your skin, but before you really know who you are or have lived a little bit it’s not a well-thought-out idea. Please … pretty please, no tattoos until you’re at least 25. And if you must, please put it in a place where you can control if people see it easily. And never anyone's name, unless it's your mother or child, no one's name, EVER!
-Your number: Don't ever tell a man how many others you’ve been with; they are very small thinkers when it comes to this issue. No man ever wants to be the last guy picked in gym class or the last person in a very long line. It’s an issue men have, it's their issue, not your's, but it's an issue to avoid. And while we’re on the subject, multiply his number by two, because he’s lying (he does have a penis).
*You'll notice you have more rules than men... I know, it's not fair, but it's the way it is... Men are idiots and not to be trusted to think about anything more than feeding and bathing themselves!
Specific Advice for Young Men:
I have a son, so I know you guys need some specific rules to make your life easier. Don’t worry, I’ll make this short so you can go back to thinking about sex, fantasy football and video games.
-Pregnant: Don’t get anyone knocked up unless you have a job and a house and enough income to marry the woman and raise a child. Getting a girl pregnant doesn’t make you a man. Being ready to be a father and support a woman and her child makes you a man. Sticking around when shit gets hard makes you a man. Being dumb and fucking up a woman and child’s life because you wanted some temporary happiness makes you an idiot (not a man). Thinking about your actions before you make them and living with the consequences makes you a man! Be a man and THINK before you act!
-Locker room bullshitting: When you’re a kid you’ll lie your ass off about all the girls you had sex with; it’s called immaturity (look it up, try to avoid it). Once you actually have sex you need to keep your pie hole shut about it. Don’t go ruining some girl’s reputation because you’re a small-thinking douche-bag who wants to look cool in front of your friends. Other girls find out when a guy runs his mouth about his "escapades" and won’t be dumb enough to become one of them anytime soon. A man who has discretion will always get more play than a guy whose conquests are public information. Remember, women talk too, do you want them finding out you are running your mouth and telling their friends how small or short things are or were? Be mature, keep your mouth shut!
-Naked photos acquired during sexting: Delete them, dummy! If your parents, girlfriends, friends, school or police find them your ass could get into some pretty serious trouble. If you think it’s cool, remember it’s illegal to share photos of someone without their permission, and you can be liable for any damages the girl may incur by your ignorance. Plus, if you run across a girl with a much bigger older brother or crazy father with guns they might hunt you down and turn you from a rooster into a hen! Don’t be a little fuck-tard, hit delete dummy!
-Out of the House: Anyone living at their parents’ after the age of 25 is an idiot! No woman wants to date a man who doesn’t grow up and take care of himself. No woman wants a man who just takes from his parents, because you will eventually take from her (she doesn’t want to be your second mother, you lazy fuck). Think of the impression you're giving: I take, I’m lazy, I can’t cook or clean for myself, please fall in love with me so you can cook and clean for me! Learn how to do your own damn laundry, cook your own meals and be someone worth adding to a woman’s life and then you’ll be worth having as a boyfriend. Women are smart, you are dumb; they see through your bullshit, and living “above the garage” still means living “with your parents!” Get out of the house and make something of yourself you jackass!
You'll notice their weren't a lot of rules for young men, that's because you are dumb and you can't remember to many things at once... You need to find a woman who is smart and can teach you how to a better person!
It's a very rough world out there for young adults, please try to make decisions that help you instead of make life harder... Life is so much easier when you avoid the pitfalls from making bad decisions...
Honestly, most bad decisions can be avoided by just taking a beat and actually thinking about your situation... Try to pick good role models and surround yourself with good people... Good luck and feel free to ask the smarter adults in your life for advice (they've been there)!
