I got to thinking about how far we’ve come since those first days and nights in small town Iowa... It’s been quite a ride, we’ve lived in a few different places, vacationed all over the world, lost a few people, had a couple brushes with mortality, bought a house, brought a couple of beautiful kids into this world and had about a thousand laughs along the way.
Below are a couple of things I thought were interesting about our journey to 20 years...
Many Places
We went from living in our parent’s basements to a shoebox apartment on Pearson and Dewitt in downtown Chicago* that was so small neither the oven or refrigerator door could be opened all the way. Next we headed north to a one-bedroom apartment in Gurnee, IL (with only a couch, TV and bed) to a two-bedroom in Milwaukee (New Berlin, WI) to a 2 bedroom condo in Schaumburg to buying a 10-room home in South Barrington (to start a family). By the way, we only used the kitchen and the bedroom for the first 5 years of owning our house then the kids were born and now that house looks like a damn used toys-r-us store that was recently hit by a tornado (like yesterday)!
Many Jobs
Doc went from her final years of medical school to her internship year to her residency to her first job and finally owning her own medical practice. I think that woman slept about 10 minutes during her training years and yet somehow sleeps less now that we have kids. She’s read every big-ass book on our bookshelf and she’s spooky smart. Somehow with not much sleep she still became pretty renowned by her colleagues and beloved by her patients. I on the other hand went from popular to lost to entrepreneur to a hermit. In the very beginning I went from bartending and lifeguarding in Keokuk to working in skyscrapers in New York City. Once I fell in love with Leslie I moved back and started a gig down in the loop in Chicago and eventually became one of those people who “worked from home” in Milwaukee and Schaumburg. Soon thereafter I started my own company (and another and another) and eventually ended up helping Leslie start her own practice which included general contracting, finance and janitorial skills (all of which I still use, sometimes all in one day)!
A Few Losses
Every day wasn’t always perfect in Beaird-O-ville… When we started dating we both had living fathers, unfortunately they both passed away before they could meet their granddaughter Ella. We’re both convinced she would’ve had them wrapped around her little finger immediately. But we were lucky enough for them both to meet their grandson as a baby and that gives us a small form of solace.
Health... Ugh
While we’re on the subject of bad days… We spent far too much time in hospitals in the last 20+ years. I had a hip replaced before we were even married and then the same one done 12 years later after a small ice dancing incident (ass over teakettle on the ice in the parking lot). I also decided I’d test my wife’s sanity and had somewhat emergent open heart surgery a couple years back (right as she was leaving her previous partnership and starting her own shop, no stress at all). About the only good trips we ever had to the hospital included bringing home Finn and Ella. Oh and those two got us a few more trips to the ER, but luckily no overnight stays (knock on wood). I thank God every day for the medical professionals who found my heart issue and fixed it. I could’ve easily dropped dead 2 ½ years ago and not been able to enjoy this beautiful life with such great family and friends. If you ever think for a minute doctors are paid too much remember I’m alive because of a few of them and the years of training they endured.
The Children
While we’re talking about my beautiful life, having children was the best thing we ever did. I never thought I could love anyone more than I loved Leslie, but they stole my heart the day they were born. You just don’t know how great it is until you do it… We were actually pretty cautious about having children, we wanted to have a house with a lawn and enough money in the bank to have children. Back then we thought we’d have one and Leslie would remain 100% focused on her career (4 weeks maternity she said). That 100% focus plan went right out the window when Finn was born and Leslie has been the top parent ever since (I’m mostly utilized as a driver). Oh and we rethought that one kid thing, thankfully. We sometimes kid that we had Ella so Finn would have someone to complain about his parents to when we’re older, but that little girl is something else (it's a little bit like raising a smaller cuter version of myself, challenging to say the least). It’s a rivalry but I really think they love each other, no really, I mean it… FYI, there’s no such thing as enough money to have children and I learn that more every single day (I cut checks to the barn).
Money
When Doc and I first got together I was a lifeguard by day and a bartender at night and she was in medical school. Most of our lives we were so poor they called us poo_ because we couldn’t afford the R! She racked up Northwestern Medical School loans and I spent every dime I earned coming to see her on the weekends and during her breaks. We spent most of our time trying to figure out how to pay the interest on those damn loans. The day Leslie and I were married the running joke was her father took her hand out of his pocket and put it into mine at the cost of nearly a quarter of a million dollars. Let me tell you, it was closer to $150,000 and it was worth every penny! We started off pretty strapped for money, but after all these years we’ve amassed a pretty good amount of savings and we might even be considered upper middle class if it wasn’t for the damn kids (college savings funds, baseball bats and riding lessons are expensive)!
Conclusion
Looking back at it, I guess our strategy has always been to make small steps up when we could and keep working hard. We tried to be generous with our time, effort and love to the people around us. In turn several people gave us their generosity along the way. We relied on the help and love of our friends and family more than we probably deserved, but we were always thankful. Nowadays we don’t worry about the score or how much anyone owes us, we just have faith that it was ours to give when people needed it and it was a privilege to help. We just want our family and friends to be as happy as we are...
The only advice I could give anyone about marriage is to find someone smarter than you are with the same morals and upbringing as yourself and love them as much as you possibly can… Talk all the time, when your happy or sad or ready to kill the other person, talk, talk, talk! The only way anyone knows how the other person feels about anything or anyone is to talk. Oh and don’t ever try to read a woman’s mind and never assume they can read your’s, I’ve made that mistake several times in my marriage and I was wrong every time!
I’m not one to give advice, I fear sounding like a horse’s ass… All I can say is I married a woman who is the smartest person I know and she genuinely cares about other people.
A personal note to Doc: You are still the greatest thing that ever happened to me! Thank you for Finn and Ella and this beautiful life we have, here’s to 20 more!
*Don’t tell our parents we lived together before we were married, they thought I lived in the apartment next door and was over at her place a lot!
Awesome dude!!! Great life in anyone's eyes
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